What kind of legacy do we want to leave our children and the world?

Part of living a fulfilled and happy life is feeling that you are making a meaningful contribution to the world in some way. It could be through your job, raising your children well, through some outside interest or hobby you find meaningful or service-oriented, or simply in the way you live your life. Ask you partner what mark he or she wants to leave on the world after he or she dies. How do you want your children and family to remember you?

If you didn’t have the job you have now, what would be your dream career?

You might enjoy your job, or it might be far from ideal, but if you had the option to change careers today, what would you do? What did you dream of being when you were a child? If you had all of the talent, ability, skills, and education necessary for a particular career, what would it be? Allow each other to fantasize and brainstorm about your dreams for the perfect career.

What are ten things on your bucket list?

All have hopes and dreams for things we want to accomplish, places we want to visit, and things we want to see. Both of you take a minute and write down ten items for your bucket list. Then take turns sharing what’s on your list. Where is there crossover between your items? Are there bucket list items you want to share as a couple? Which items are you ready to prioritize and plan out for the near future (in the next year or two)?

If we won the lottery, what would you want to do with the money? This is a fun question to stimulate imagination and express your wildest dreams. Come up with a specific amount of money you might win, and talk together about how you’d want to use the money. Enjoy thinking about the freedom and opportunity you’d have with all the money you’d win. Aside from spending on your own desires, how could you use the money to help others, create something useful, or leave a legacy?

Who would you like to spend more time with, and what relationships would you like to develop?

Do you have relationships with friends, business associates, and family that you’d like to strengthen? Are there new friendships you’d like to develop or old friends you’d like to reconnect with? Think about what you are missing in your social life and personal relationships and what you’d like to do to find more joy and depth in your various relationships. Ask how you can help your partner reach his or her goals and wishes concerning these relationships.

If we didn’t live in this city, where would you like to live?

There are so many beautiful, interesting, exciting places to live in the world. You might live in your city because it was where you grew up, you found a job there, or maybe you moved to be with your partner. If the world was your oyster, where would you settle down? Think about your ideal lifestyle and the kinds of people and activities you enjoy. What cities best match those? Do you envision ever moving to another city?

If you didn’t have to work, how would you spend your time?

If going to work were optional, but you still received your pay check, how would you spend your time? What activities would bring you fulfilment and joy? How would your lives be different? Talk together about perfect lifestyle for you as a couple if you could reclaim the hours a day you work.

What do you feel most proud of?

You have both had many accomplishments and achievements throughout your lives. Which of these, whether in your youth or adulthood, has made you the most proud? Why did it make you feel proud? Listen to each other tell the story of this special moment and acknowledge the accomplishment and feelings your partner shares.

What do you personally want to achieve during the next five to ten years?

Both of you might have personal goals you’ve been nurturing. Maybe you want to run a marathon, write a book, or learn to speak a language. Share your personal goals with your partner and find out how you can support each other in reaching those goals. Is there anything getting in the way of attainting your goals, and, if so, what can you both do to address these roadblocks?

What do you see us doing during our retirement years?

For some people, retirement means moving to the mountains or the beach and enjoying uninterrupted free time. For others it might mean traveling the world or starting a non-profit. Talk about how you both envision your retirement years. Where would you live? How would you spend your time? If you differ in your vision, how can you create a retirement scenario that works for both of you?

How can we continue to improve our relationship and become closer, kinder, and more intimate?

By working through these questions together, you have initiated a new level of intimacy, compassion, and understanding between you. A love relationship is a work in progress, and, like a garden, it needs constant attention and care. What are your on-going goals for the health of your relationship? Where do you see areas that need improvement and what specific actions can you work on daily? As individuals, what do each of you need to work on related to anger, emotional reactivity, compassion, kindness, communication, honesty, confidence, trustworthiness, stress, health, reliability, or commitment?

Follow-up: Are there any goals and dreams you’d like to better understand from your partner’s viewpoint? What specific action steps will you both take to support each other in your goals as a couple? Write these down and determine how and when you will initiate these changes or actions.